


Into Light

by carolinecrane



Series: Retrograde [27]
Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-01
Updated: 2004-08-01
Packaged: 2018-05-28 04:10:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6314704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinecrane/pseuds/carolinecrane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Confession is good for the soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into Light

He's stalling – he knows he should just get it over with, because Horatio's actually in his office for once and that hardly ever happens. But he's spent the past hour looking for excuses to put it off anyway, and now that he's caught up on all his paperwork and cleaned his lab twice there's nothing else to do but go in there and say it.

He takes a deep breath, footsteps slowing as he closes in on Horatio's office, and this is probably the worst idea he's ever had. Or maybe moving in with Tyler in the first place is the worst idea he's ever had, because they haven't even been dating that long and there's no telling when Tyler will decide he's had enough. He feels guilty every time he thinks it, but the thought's still there in the back of his head, nagging at him every time he gets too comfortable.

And it's stupid, because he knows how Tyler feels about him. Everything about their relationship is fine – perfect, really – and maybe that's why he can't help thinking about everything that could go wrong. About how easy it would be for everything to fall apart, for Tyler to change his mind and then all of this would be for nothing.

But he's not thinking about that now, because he's been standing in front of Horatio's office for a full three minutes and if he doesn't do something soon somebody's going to notice. One more deep breath and he forces himself forward, knocking on the open door and waiting until Horatio looks up from his paperwork.

"You got a minute?" he asks when Horatio looks up at him, expression a mixture of surprise and expectation.

"What's on your mind?"

"I wanted to let you know that I moved a couple weeks ago."

"Okay," Horatio says, rolling the word around on his tongue like he's trying to decide what Speed's not telling him. "Not a problem, just let Personnel know. Your cell number's the same?"

"Yeah. No. I mean, yes, my cell number's the same. But it's not just…I moved in with someone. Someone from the lab."

"I see." Horatio pauses, fingers pressed together in front of him and Speed can tell he's disappointed. This is worse than the time his gun jammed and he nearly got himself killed; for just a second he wishes he hadn't been wearing a vest that day, because at least if he'd died he wouldn't be standing here right now. "I assume this girl isn't a subordinate."

He knows he could take the out. He could answer the question honestly without admitting that they're not talking about a girl, and maybe Horatio wouldn’t notice that his phone number is the same as Tyler's. Only it's Horatio, and Speed knows he'd figure it out eventually. And when he did he'd probably be even more disappointed, so Speed might as well get it over with now. "It's Tyler."

He's already playing out the PR nightmare in his head – has been since he decided to come clean with Horatio, imagined the questions the reporters will ask and the phone calls from the mayor. And he knows Horatio will stand up for him even if he doesn't approve, but that just makes him feel worse, because he doesn't want anybody fighting his battles for him.

"I see," Horatio says again, inflection just a little different this time, and if it wasn't Speed's job to read people he'd probably miss the surprise in his voice. "Tyler…is this a recent development?"

"No," Speed answers, because he knows what Horatio's asking. He's not just talking about Tyler, and Speed always told himself he wasn't misleading anybody, but maybe he was wrong. Or maybe Tyler's right and he was just lying to himself so he wouldn't have to deal with it. "Look, H, if it's going to cause problems…"

He trails off when Horatio holds up a hand, and he's grateful for the interruption because he has no idea what he'd do if it was a problem. Quit his job, maybe, or let Horatio transfer him to some other department. He wouldn't be any good as a regular cop, but there's no way he could end things with Tyler just to stay at the crime lab. "There's no problem. As long as this…relationship doesn't interfere with your job."

"It won't. I mean it doesn't," Speed answers, and he can't remember the last time he felt so tongue-tied. Maybe on his first date with Tyler. Only that feels like forever ago, and so much has happened in just a few months that it seems like he and Tyler have just always been.

That thought scares him almost as much as the thought of everyone at work knowing about them, and he opens his mouth to ask Horatio not to say anything before he remembers that it's Horatio, and there's no way he's going to spread it around. That part's up to Speed, because if he wants to keep it to himself he knows Tyler won't say anything.

"Good," Horatio says, pushing his chair back to stand up and planting his hands on his hips. He's staring at something just over Speed's shoulder, expression sort of far away and for a few seconds Speed wonders if Horatio's ever going to look him in the eye again. As soon as he thinks it Horatio does, fixing him with one of those piercing looks that always makes Speed feel like Horatio can see right through him. "We're a team, Speed. That means I'm on your side. It also means you can come to me with any…concerns about your job."

"I know." And he does – at least he does now – and it makes him feel a little guilty for putting this off for so long. He figured Horatio would be cool about it, but he told himself he was trying to save his boss the trouble of having to defend him. Only that's Horatio's job, and he's defended all of them more times than Speed can count. "Thanks, H."

Another smile, brighter this time, and Horatio nods as Speed backs toward the door. "Any time."

A second later he finds himself in the hallway, heart pounding a little too hard and he's way too warm in spite of the air conditioning. He wishes he could get out of here, thinks about the motorcycle he hasn't ridden in forever and wonders how bad it would look if he went back into Horatio's office and said he needed to take a little personal time. But he learned a long time ago that he can't outrun his own thoughts, so instead he takes a deep breath and heads back toward his lab.

He's halfway there when Calleigh falls into step beside him, smiling brightly and he wills himself to relax. "Hey."

"Hey," Speed answers. And he knows that look, the one where she thinks she knows something and she's not going to rest until she's sure she's right. "What?"

"Nothing," she answers with a little shrug that's not fooling anybody. "Just wondering if you had anything for me on those samples I gave you."

"I left the results in your box two hours ago," Speed says, watching carefully now and yeah, there's definitely a hint of guilt in her expression.

"Did you? Guess I just missed them."

And this is the last thing he needs, because he knows she's fishing for something, and he has a pretty good idea what it is. He's surprised it's taken her this long to say anything, but then again, she's probably more apt to grill Tyler for as much information as he's willing to share. Speed has no idea how much that is, but he's going to ask as soon as he gets Tyler alone. "So…did you want something else?"

"No," she says, but she's still following him, and it's obvious she's working up to something. "Just wondering how long you and Eric are going to keep this up."

"Keep what up?" He knows exactly what she's talking about, but he's not sure when it became any of her business. They reach his lab and he pushes the door open, half-hoping she'll take the hint and go away. But he knows better, so he isn't surprised when she follows him inside.

"Tim, come on," she says, still smiling, and he's pretty sure she thinks it's charming. She's right, and he's sure that works on a lot of guys. Guys like Delko, and that's probably why she's here fighting his battles for him. "Don't you think you should talk to him? He is your friend."

"Why do you even care?"

"Because I have to work with y'all, and I'm tired of watching him mope around like he lost his best friend," she answers, still smiling and okay, maybe it's a little charming. "And you've been brooding all week too, so don't try to tell me it isn't bothering you."

He opens his mouth to argue with her, because he doesn't brood. And even if he did, he wasn't brooding about Delko. He hasn't had time, because he's been too busy worrying about whether or not he'd still have a job once he came clean with Horatio. But as soon as he opens his mouth she crosses her arms over her chest, smile fading into that expression that just dares him to tell her she's wrong. Another thing that probably works really well on Delko, but Speed just rolls his eyes and wipes down the lab station he's already cleaned. Twice.

"What do you want me to tell him? Should I say I'm sorry for not sharing every detail of my personal life with him just because he's curious?"

"You could try telling him the truth."

"Right, I'm sure he'd love to hear that not only did I move in with the mystery girl he keeps asking about, but she's a guy."

"You did?" she asks, smile brighter and more genuine now and just for a second he forgets to be annoyed. "Does Horatio know?"

"I just told him," Speed answers, glancing involuntarily toward the door, and he's pretty sure this is what Horatio meant when he warned Speed about his relationship interfering with his job. "He was pretty cool about it."

"Eric might surprise you too," she says, grinning when he rolls his eyes at her. "Hey, I'm just looking out for the team."

"Well can you go look out for it somewhere else? I've got work to do."

"Okay, okay," she says, still smiling as she backs toward the door. "I'll go find those results you left me. But you'll think about what I said, right?"

"Bye, Calleigh," he says, shaking his head when she laughs and pushes the door open. There's a part of him that wants to follow her, to head down the hall and around the corner to the A/V lab. Because he wants to know what Tyler's told Calleigh about them, but mostly he just wants to _see_ Tyler and remind himself of why he's going through with this. But the last thing he needs is for Horatio to catch him hanging around the A/V lab for no reason, so he takes a deep breath and hopes they get a call soon so he'll have something to distract himself for a while.


End file.
